Male C. Pig a.k.a. Svinopolist (piggymouse) wrote,
Male C. Pig a.k.a. Svinopolist
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Калевала

Как всем известно, доктор Петров посвятил двадцать пятую главу своего дефинитивного учебника физиологии падениям с большой высоты.

Доктор Петров начинает двадцать пятую главу, как и все остальные главы второй части своего эпохального труда, с подробного разбора существующего корпуса исследований. По конкретной теме, которой посвящена глава, Петров цитирует три основных источника: данные University Center Hospital в Хельсинки (by Dr. O.M. Bostman*), Western Infirmary в Глазго (by Dr. E.S. Isbister**) и Harlem Hospital в Нью-Йорке (by Dr. W.S. Lewis et al).

Анализируя данные из Хельсинки, доктор Петров заключает:

Interestingly, 40 percent fell between 16 and 26 feet (5 to 8 meters) or two to three stories; 38 percent between 26 and 40 feet (8 to 12 meters) [or three to five stories]; 22 percent from higher than 40 feet (12 meters) [or approximately five stories]. I'm surprised that so many people intending suicide would jump from such low heights. This suggests impulsive, impaired, ignorant, or irrational decisions in many of these jumps.

Будучи серьёзным учёным, доктор Петров счёл себя обязанным сопроводить это заключение следующим примечанием:

Finnish stories are apparently shorter than New York stories, except, perhaps, the Kalevala.

В этом месте я могу лишь передать горячий привет коллегам А. и О.


* — He references quite a few other publications by Dr. Bostman, including one with a title of notable rhetorical merit: "The Bi-seasonal Incidence of Some Suicides. Experience from Finland by Marital Status, 1961 – 1976".

** — I just love the title of Dr. Isbister's paper, it sounds so poignantly academic: "Autokabalesis: a study of intentional vertical deceleration injuries", my sorry ass! I also can't help quoting our author's initial comment on Dr. Isbister's results:

Less detailed, but more recent, data from Scotland show somewhat lower survival rates than those from Finland. This is probably because the canny Scots jumped from greater heights.

Tags: biology, health, quote, stone
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