Male C. Pig a.k.a. Svinopolist (piggymouse) wrote,
Male C. Pig a.k.a. Svinopolist
piggymouse

Хохмочки

Спасибо Винарскому!


The scene: A British military hospital.

A general walks in to inspect a ward in which there are three soldiers.

"Hello, soldier," says the general to the first one, "What's ailing you?"

"Hemorrhoids, sir."

"And what is the cure in the British army for hemorrhoids, soldier?"

"Three times a day on the wire brush, sir."

"And what is your fondest desire, soldier?"

"My fondest desire is to recover from my hemorrhoids, return to the battlefield, and fight for the glory of Britain, sir."

The general now goes up to the second soldier.

"Hello soldier, what's ailing you?" he says to the second soldier.

"Syphilis, sir," replies the second soldier.

"And what is the cure in the British army for syphilis, soldier?"

"Three times a day on the wire brush, sir."

"And what, soldier, is your fondest desire?"

"My fondest desire is to recover from this syphilis so that I can return to the battlefield and fight for the glory of Britain, sir."

Now the general goes up to the third soldier.

"Hello, soldier," the general says. "And what is ailing you?"

In a barely audible voice the soldier replies "Laryngytis, sir."

"And what is the cure for laryngitis in the British army, soldier?"

With great pain, and in a very weak voice the soldier replies "Three times a day (cough, wheeze) on the wire brush, sir wheeze)."

"I see you have great difficulty talking so I'll assume that your fondest desire is to recover from your laryngitis so that you can return to the battlefield and fight for the glory of Britain. Am I correct, soldier?"

"No, sir (wheeze)."

"Indeed, what is your fondest desire?"

"To be first every day on the wire brush, sir (wheeze)."


Farmer Ole went to the county fair, and bought a pig, an anvil, a trough, and two chickens. He tucked the pig under one arm, the anvil under the other arm, put the trough on his head, clutched the chickens in his fists, and started on his way home.

As he was walking home, he saw his neighbor Inga, and asked her:

"Inga, will you walk with me through the forest?"

"No. I am afraid you will take advantage of me."

"No, no! And how could I, with the pig, the anvil, and the rest?"

"You could put the pig under the trough, and hold it down with the anvil."

"True... But what would I do with the chickens?"

"Well, I could hold the chickens."


Машенька: Давай играть в прятки – я спрячусь, а ты меня будешь искать.

Вовочка: Хорошо, но если я тебя найду – то выебу.

Машенька: А если не найдешь, то я буду стоять вон за той дверью.

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