Male C. Pig a.k.a. Svinopolist (piggymouse) wrote,
Male C. Pig a.k.a. Svinopolist

The Jaded Town of Yvdel

Вдогонку к длинным прогонам по-английски хочется поделиться с аудиторией жежешечки прекрасным пранком, которым аудитория френдфидика успела насладиться три месяца назад. Вроде бы всё в открытом доступе, так что спрашивать у ключевых участников разрешения нагло не буду.

История вкратце: один выдающийся и замечательный человек решил порадовать другого выдающегося и замечательного человека и послал ему job application в виде англоязычного cover letter без резюме от имени неизвестной девушки. Через какое-то время пранк вскрылся и прекрасные, дорогие коллеги поделились своей радостью с миром.

Ниже под катом собственно cover letter. От себя отмечу, что когда я впервые читал этот текст, у меня случилось два оргазма и четыре непроизвольных мочеиспускания.

Dear Mr. Makhotkin,

An acquaintance who's been with Undev for some time now has courteously shared your address with me — along with the highest of recommendation to reach you with respect to the position of a project manager. Regrettably I've never wholly mastered the jejune genre of a resumé, hence I lay my account on your indulgence to accept this somewhat tangled cover-letter as a query to join your firm.

I was born in 1985 to then be educated — if the expression may be tolerated — in the jaded town of Yvdel that stands a little way off Ekaterinburg. As a humble student on the local campus of the Ural State University I've developed some interest towards technology and naturally devoted some time to the subject. My peak accomplishment of the time was an image-recognition robot, assembled from litter and a couple of web-cameras, the purchase of which took some doing. The implemented algorithm was based on certain enhancement of Håstad's research of threshold gates, circa 1994.

Before long I've found myself developing an automated control system for the local woodworking plant. The best part of code was written in Miranda, implementing some abstract process of choosing the optimal strategy in a game versus an omniscient opponent that represented the analytically ramified space of the worst possible outcomes. The game's matrices were in the constant change, driven by a process that took the real-life plant's parameters as an input. Although approximate, the model was efficiently implemented to elevate the plant's efficiency by 38%.

Having quit the plant with no other job in sight, I hired out to the local branch of, where I developed a custom MVC-like CMS on PHP that is, to my knowledge, is still in use, although by cotemporary standards it is, of course, outdated beyond the reach of remedies. In parallel I was giving lectures on then-new Haskell in the alma mater with little or no success.

By virtue of a fortuitous introduction to one of the Yandex employees, I began my work at Yarushechka, gradually making my way to the project-manager status. At present time I lead five linguists that develop anti-spam & search algorithms. Although almost entirely empirical, this work has led to putting some minor feathers in our bonnet; articles available upon request.

I am reasonably skillful with most modern tracking systems, including Jira, Basecamp and Redmine. I comprehend Ruby sensibly, esp. if well-written. As you may have gathered I am somewhat an afficionado of functional languages. My colleagues, to the best of my belief, perceive me as an adequate and punctual project manager. I am aware of the most interpretations of the soi-disant agile processes. I've been documenting code using DITA and custom XML-FO standards adopted at Yandex. I am able to express myself in English, German and French, although my skills in this area are mainly confined to reading technical manuals.

If you are to favour me with a reply, please be advised that I'm looking to emigrate from Yvdel with a view of a net salary around 25-35 th. of roubles excluding the surplus to hire an apartment in Moscow and will be grateful for any assistance my future employer may furnish me with.

With best regards,

Olga Sokolova

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Tags: fun, hr, humanity, language, personal, quote, undef
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