It was about 1776. Tom Jefferson and Ben Franklin and some of the other Foundling Fathers were at Tom's house, drinking bourbon and branch water and playing poker. Tom had a terrible hand and wanted to get out without losing his ante. He sat bolt upright, and said, "Hey! I got an idea!"
Ben Franklin, who was a smart-ass, said, "Treat it kindly. It's in a strange place."
Tom didn't notice. He hollered, "Let's run the Brits off and start a boringly stable democracy that'll run like clockwork and be the envy of the world and take over most of it and invent rock-and-roll and the Internet. Then we can download Pink Floyd on Napster. Is that a plan, or what?"
Everybody looked stunned for a moment. The very magnitude of the idea made it hard to digest, and anyway they been at the bourbon for a while. Then John Hancock said, "Hooo—eeeeeeeee!" and Ben hollered "Oh, baby!" and they went to get their duck guns and look for Brits. Tom slipped his cards into the deck and shuffled it while they were gone.
That's how America started.